"And The Survey Says..."

One evening last week while channel surfing I ran across an episode of Family Feud.  At first I couldn’t believe that the Feud was still going on since I used to watch it years ago when Richard Dawson was the host.  Did you know that the show first aired in 1976 and has had six different hosts and has been shown on two different networks? Now of course, Steve Harvey is the host, but the game itself has not changed much at all. 

Here is the question that captured my attention.  “One hundred people surveyed… What is the single most important aspect of a healthy marriage?” 

The first contestant quickly rang her buzzer and shouted out the obvious…”Love.”  Everyone applauded.  Steve Harvey, sure that he had a winner, pointed confidently at the board and shouted “show me love.”  Love was there alright; but to everyone’s surprise, it was in the number two slot.  The next contestant was obviously as shocked as everyone else and rather sheepishly offered the word “trust.”  And there it was in all its glory.  The one hundred people surveyed had identified trust as the single most important aspect of a healthy marriage; even above love!

I was reminded of a survey that I took among a divorce recovery workshop that I taught several years ago.  I asked all twenty-five participants if they would admit to loving their ex-spouses the day they married them.  All twenty five hands went up.  Then I asked if they would admit to loving their ex-spouses the day they divorced them.  Unbelievably, twenty-four out of twenty-five hands were raised.  At first I was shocked; but as we talked about the questions, I began to realize that love was just not first on the list.  They were all telling me that it is more difficult to live with someone you cannot trust than with someone you do not love. 

Clearly, trust is an important part of every relationship.  Our politicians are asking for our trust. Our teenagers complain that we don’t trust them enough.  We want a doctor we can trust, a plumber we can trust, a pastor we can trust, a friend we can trust and especially a spouse that we can trust.  Trust creates stability, confidence and comfort.  It allows us the freedom to live in truth.  And most of all, it frees us to love someone without any strings or hesitation because we trust them to handle our most precious emotions with care.

So, if trust is so important to a marriage, how is it obtained?  Or more importantly, how is maintained?  A lot of people are asking for it.  “If you would only trust me...”  “Why don’t you trust me?”  “Trust me, it will be okay.”   Sound familiar?  Well I have found that if I have to ask for someone’s trust, then I have probably not done enough to earn it.  Trust is not a gift that someone can simply give away, but rather it is a byproduct of a life marked with character, courage and integrity.  Since your spouse is in the best place to measure these traits in you, he or she knows better than anyone if you are trustworthy. If so, the trust comes easily and the love flows freely.  If not, trust is withheld and love is stifled.

The Bible says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart…”  Prov. 3:5.  We can do this because God has clearly proven Himself to be trustworthy; a God of great character, courage and integrity.  Therefore, the quickest route for us to be trusted by those around us is to be conformed to the likeness of Christ.   Before we ask for it, let’s make sure we are doing all we can to earn it.  “And the survey says…”